The Entire Thought

‘How Nice to Meet You!’

Getting acquainted with our beloved dead

When we sat near Kathy and her family one Sunday morning, I couldn’t help noticing that she was crying. “You look like you need a hug,” I told her when I met her in the back of church, and of course I gave her one. “I just heard that my grandpa died,” she told me.
Now Kathy is not a child who still wants to sit on Grandpa’s lap. She is a middle-aged woman with teenage children. And her grandfather’s death, I learned when I called her the next day, was not unexpected. He was nearly 90 and had long been virtually incapacitated by a series of small strokes.
My grandmother died in a similar fashion, but I certainly felt her loss. Gram was, like most grandparents, a warmly affirming presence in my life from the very beginning. I suspect that many of us first learned what unconditional love is from our grandparents. I know that my role with my own grandkids has a one-word job description: Enjoy!
Kathy and I talked about what a great gift grandparents are to us at any age, and I asked her to tell me about the
recently deceased. Wow, he was really somebody! He was content to cut cane on a Caribbean island until a new overseer started referring to him with an ugly epithet because his skin was so dark. (“I never thought it was,” Kathy added.) He emigrated to the United States and became a skilled mechanic in an area where there were many Hispanics. He organized his community to build their own church and imported a Spanish-speaking pastor. (Catholic services were still in Latin then, but, as in many immigrant communities, the priest was the only well-educated man and hence a valuable resource for his people.) And he raised a big brood of children and found joy in their children.
At the end of our conversation, I thanked Kathy for introducing me to her grandfather. I told her I really enjoyed
meeting him —and I did! I hope she takes care to pass on his story to the future generations whose roots will also be in this
remarkable man.
Take a minute to recall your own beloved dead. Think about your fondest memories of deceased family members. How would you describe them to someone who never had the pleasure of knowing them? Have you ever had the pleasure of “introducing” them to someone, your own children perhaps, or a good friend?
Introduce one of those special people to the folks you visit. Plan ahead a little to see if you can think of something
associated with this person in the seasons or the surroundings or focus on a color that was his or her favorite. Use whatever comes to mind to create an opportunity to say, “That reminds me of ___, who’s been dead for many years.” Try to evoke the other person’s memories of their beloved dead. If you told them about a grandparent, for example, you can ask about theirs. Or if you know something about their history, you can even ask directly, “Tell me about. . .”
Or ask which of the beloved dead most deeply shaped who they are. Who sparked the interest that led to a career or a satisfying hobby? Who taught thoughtfulness or generosity by example more than words? Which person most profoundly shaped their faith? Gently coax them to share their memories, for remembering is a holy act.
It is the basis of every religion. Believers of every stripe repeat the stories of their ancestors and of their God’s actions in this world. Christians, of course, are rooted in the people whose stories are told in the Old Testament. We trace the beginnings of our faith back to Abraham and Moses and the great king David, just as Jesus did. The saints who preceded us over the last two millennia are no less our ancestors. Our immigrant forebears who, like Kathy’s grandfather, built churches on this soil, left us the priceless legacy of their faith. Our central act of worship is, of course, one of remembering. When we take our place at table on Sunday, we commemorate the last meal Jesus celebrated with his friends on the night before his death — and that is a holy act indeed. Celebrate the holiness of your memories. Bring the people who have gone before you into the prayer you share with the people you visit. Recall those deceased family members and join them in God’s presence. Give thanks for the way those treasured folks shaped your history and touched your lives, for the examples they set for you and the pleasures they brought. Rejoice together that you are in good company in your prayer, surrounded (as Hebrews 12:1 puts it) by a “great cloud of witnesses.”
Carol Luebering
Celebration, November 2009

Entire list of Thoughts While Pastoring